Ghost in the machine

[MarcoLingo]

Really strange one this

Took her for a spin this morning. Was watching the Brazil vs Croatia semi-final when I noticed my lights had come on and wipers were going. The car was locked and both lights and wipers were in the off position in the car. I closed the door. 2 minutes laters they both come on again. The only way to stop it is to unlock and lock the car.

When I unlock it, if I leave it 5 minutes it starts again.
I lock it, it stops then 5 minutes later starts.
Sometimes when I unlock it, it locks itself again after a few minutes then a few minutes later the lights and wipers start again. It’s driving me nuts and draining the battery

I’m gong to take it for a spins again at half time to charge the battery up, and I know I can disconnect the battery for now, but has anyone had this sort of issue before?

Thanks

[Sol]

Bad battery classic symptoms. It sends the BSI nuts. Try fitting a new battery.

Temporarily you can try a hard BSI reset: remove the glove box, look at th BSI and you'll see a green and white link that looks like a large fuse, with HS-SH on it, pull that, wait a minute, re insert it in the CLIENT slot and not the PARK slot (has two positions) then see if the BSI behaves after that. Once the link is back in, turn the ignition on, hold the lock button for 10 secs, you may hear a beep. Switch off, lock the car.

After this you should have normal operation. If it still does the lights and wipers thing, then the battery is rotten, getting low and causing it to do this, not the other way round. (A crappy battery is causing the weird behaviour, the lights and wipers are not flattening the battery)

[MarcoLingo]

Damn. The battery was new October 2021

Thanks for the guidance. How does what you’ve advised differ from this procedure that I found?

1.Put the driver's window down, lift the bonnet and ensure all equipment is switched off.
2.Ensure all doors are closed and remove key from the ignition.
3.Wait for 3 minutes, disconnect the vehicle battery and wait 15 seconds.
4.Reconnect the vehicle battery, wait a further 10 seconds (do not open doors.).
5.Switch on the side lights through the driver's window.
6.Switch on the ignition and check system's functionality.
7.Hold lock button on key down for 10 seconds.
8.Remove key open & close door test central locking system.
9.Start the engine and complete the system's check.

Failure to follow this procedure could result in incorrect operation of many BSI related items.

[Sol]

I wrote and posted that procedure. Pulling the HS link is quicker and may be easier to do for some folk.

It could be, that your alternator is not charging the new battery. That's a possibility.

[MarcoLingo]

I wrote and posted that procedure. Pulling the HS link is quicker and may be easier to do for some folk.

It could be, that your alternator is not charging the new battery. That's a possibility.

Even after sitting on the drive for a bit and with these cold nights, it fired up first time, no probs.

A year ago I had a problems with the ECO unit - I’d get to junctions and the engine would turn off and not start again (once on an M5 exit roundabout ?) The battery was replaced along with something else which I can’t recall, but it cost a lot of money. I’m not too handy with cars, and couldn’t find any instructions on removing the glove compartment - can you point to any? If not I’ll do your other procedure this afternoon

Cheers

[Sol]

You'd need torx bits to remove the screws in order to drop the glovebox, they are all along the top and a couple down the sides as you look into the glovebox.

You unhook the lid retaining arm so the lid will fall down, then take out the screws and pull the glovebox forwards. I expect you don't have torx bits if you don't work on stuff like this normally.

Maybe it would be easier for you to follow the big reset then, which needs no tools really. Just follow that sequence to the letter.

[MarcoLingo]

You'd need torx bits to remove the screws in order to drop the glovebox, they are all along the top and a couple down the sides as you look into the glovebox.

You unhook the lid retaining arm so the lid will fall down, then take out the screws and pull the glovebox forwards. I expect you don't have torx bits if you don't work on stuff like this normally.

Maybe it would be easier for you to follow the big reset then, which needs no tools really. Just follow that sequence to the letter.

I tried the procedure to the word three times, but no joy. So I tried the other method - despite removing the torx screws I couldn’t shift the glove box - but inside it there was another small panel and removing this gave access to the BSI. I pulled the HS-SH link as you described, but still no cigar.

What I can’t get past with the bad battery diagnosis is it has fired up first time every time for the last year and still does. Is there any thing else it could possibly be?

There is a buzzing noise, like a bluebottle, coming from under the fusebox - it changes pitch a bit sometimes and also stutters occasionally, but this buzzing happens as soon as the battery is connected and carries on until the lights and wipers start, then it goes quiet

PS - how do I test the battery with no access to the negative terminal?

Thanks

[Sol]

Use the body earth bolt on the inner wing to the right of the battery position..or pull the battery and test it off the car. Places like Kwik fit have a battery shunt tester if you can get a lift there with the battery.

The reason this was suggested is the BSI does that thing with the lights and wipers on purpose if the battery is low. If that isn't the problem with yours then the other thing I can think of is the battery smart monitoring module connected to the positive terminal. It's part of the terminal gubbins.

These cars have complex electronics with a computer multiplexer so it's possible that a weird fault occurs which you aren't going to solve on a forum or on the driveway buddy.

If you can't find the reason then it could be you have to get a proper qualified auto electrical engineer onto it, not Bob at the local garage who served his time on tinkering with vauxhall Novas but a real electrical automotive engineer.

Maybe a replacement engine bay fusebox is required, or at least strip that down and see what's happening in the bottom. Maybe it's full of water or mice have been at the wiring. Under the top tray is a row of big Masterfuses and in some cases, an electronic module. It's shown on diagrams but I've never got to the bottom of what it is or why some vehicles have it and some don't, as it's shown as optional on the schematics but no mention of what it is called or what it's for.

Finally the BSI itself may be faulty, water damaged, chewed by mice or any number of things. It's in control of lights and wipers. Also the comm2000 unit which reads the stalks & switches and communicates their position to the BSI could be the problem, it at least can be replaced without coding. The BSI can't.

You can see how there are many reasons if you really dig and all need diagnostic kit to evaluate.

[MarcoLingo]

OK. Thanks for all your time and advice