Great One-Liners

[taxi]

Bob Hope on his 70th birthday -" you still chase women, but only downhill"

Rab C Nesbitt- " I hate middle-age. Too young for the bowling green, too old for Ecstasy"
Anon-" middle-age is when your legs buckle, and your belt doesn't"

[nil by mouth]

A computer once beat me at chess , it was no match for me at boxing :woop:

[taxi]

Anon-"The best ten years of a womans life are between the ages of twenty-nine and thirty"

[evdama]

Now I finally have my head sorted, my body's giving up.

Theres no such thing as Freefall -you pay for it at the bottom.

[taxi]

"If I 'd known I was gonna live this long, I 'd have taken better care of myself" Eubie Blake on his 100th birthday.

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way-so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

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The best way to keep kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it

[FatPaddy100]

These are my principles - if you don't like them, well, I have others
Groucho

[evdama]

These are my principles - if you don't like them, well, I have others
Groucho

She has an hourglass figure and I just wanna play in the sand.
Woody Allen

Me and Oscar Schindler are like peas in a pod
We were both factory owners and we both made shells for the nazis- but mine worked godammit!
Montgomery C Burns.

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Is Ringo the best drummer in the world?
"He's not even the best drummer in the Beatles"
John Lennon

[taxi]

"We live in a society where pizza gets to your home quicker than the police"

" do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience"

" if you thinks nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments "

[taxi]

Paul McCartney and Springsteen's calling the live album recorded at Hyde Park-" Party in the Park- Unplugged"